75: Stephanie and Giancarlo Canavesio on Alchemising Challenges & Rising in Love, Interviewed By Alexcia Panay

Presence Embodied
Stephanie – Instagram
Mangu.tv
Difuso.net
Terra Viva Ibiza
Giancarlo – Instagram
Alexcia Panay
Alexcia – Instagram

Dr. Gabor Mate
Neurons to Nirvana
2012: Time for Change
Carl Jung  – Quote Unconscious
ISTA
Tao Ruspoli
Monogamish
Ayahuasca
Compassionate Inquiry
Michael Pollan
Robin Sharma
Damanhur
Auroville
Tamera
Talia – The True Self Podcast
Tony Robbins

Alexcia: [00:00:00] Hello everyone. My name is Alexia Pinene and I am taking over today for Giancarlo on Mango TV podcast, taking over, and I have the privilege and the joy and the honor of interviewing my dear friends today, Stephanie Long Canio and JLo Canio. Stephanie is a psychotherapist devoted to deep healing and conscious transformation.

Through her work with presence embodied, she weaves compassionate inquiry with meditative practices to support clients in cultivating self-awareness and authentic expression. Trained by Dr. Gab mate, Stephanie brings a trauma-informed lens to her work, specializing in trauma, emotional patterns, and addiction.

Her sessions are rooted in empathy, equality, and trust, creating a safe, sacred space for healing. With both rigor and warmth. She empowers individuals to reconnect with their inner truth and vitality. Stephanie’s presence is intuitive and grounded, making her a quiet but powerful [00:01:00] force for lasting change.

And most of you already know John Carlo, but in case you don’t, he’s a multidisciplinary entrepreneur focused on meaningful impact. He produced Neurons to Nirvana in 2012. Time, time for change through Mangusta Productions, exploring psychedelics and sustainability. His Mango TV podcast furthers these conversations in Ibiza.

He co-founded Te Viva a regenerative farm and founded DSO Ibiza revitalizing historic Senya homes into spaces for community and transformation. Inspired by Italy’s DSO model, the project blends local culture with holistic hospitality. JLo, Bridge’s media. Land stewardship and regenerative living, combining creativity, discipline, and purpose.

His ventures foster innovation, conscious living, and resilience. He’s not just building businesses, but nurturing, cultural and ecological renewal.

Giancarlo: Ah, mm-hmm.

Alexcia: And all of that to say that these are two of [00:02:00] my favorite people in the world, and they are celebrating 10 years of marriage soon. Right, guys?

Giancarlo: Yeah.

And, and 18 together.

Alexcia: Yes.

Stephanie: We met 18 years ago here in Ibiza.

Alexcia: Yeah. I, I wanted to start with that, which is a, which is all started with a giggle. Mm-hmm. Do you wanna share first JLo, how, how did you meet?

Giancarlo: So, the giggle, um. So, yes, we had some friends in common, but, so before answering, I just want to say for our listener that, um, Alexa Pane is not just with your friend, but a great, uh, creative writer and coach and therapist and I.

You should listen to my interview with her in the previous podcast. Thank you for doing this, Alex. Yeah. Um, so the giggle, um, so we are talking 2005 or something, and I was in New York and I was aware of the existence [00:03:00] of a lady called Stephanie Longs because we shared a, uh, dear friend called Gly who’s gonna listen this podcast and she’s gonna also giggle.

Um, and, and so I know who she was, and Goly always was telling me, you should meet my friend. She’s having issue with the husband and was like, sure. And then miraculously we meet her in the beach in uh, uh, blue Marlin. And, um, yeah, she, she was dating a guy who was a, you know, history buff. And I actually, I actually liked him.

And, um, I. And, and you were laughing at my joke and, you know, and to these days, I mean, oh, and transported by the, by the giggle. Maybe, maybe we’re gonna, maybe we’re gonna hear it. Maybe

Alexcia: we’re gonna hear it today if we, if we get her laughing. And what’s your version of this story, Seth?

Stephanie: Um, I rem I remember Giancarlo being particularly [00:04:00] charming and very funny.

And I have to say that, that laughter and our, I think, uh, the humor that we have between us has been one of the gifts of why we have, I feel succeeded in this long-term relationship is because I feel number one, we’re nev. We never stopped discovering one another because we were really entirely two different people when we met that day.

But also we never stopped seeing one another for I guess who they, who they are and who, who we are and who we aren’t. But finding humor and not taking this life so seriously has really been the biggest gift. Learning how, how can we laugh with one another? Not add one another, but with one another through this, the craziness and the wildness of, of this [00:05:00] life.

Alexcia: Yeah. There’s this, um, there’s this poem that I wanted to share, always bringing poetry into this space. Um, we kind of already went there, but it says to love someone long term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people. They used to be the people. They’re too exhausted to be any longer. The people, they don’t recognize inside themselves anymore.

The people they grew out of, the people they n never ended up growing into. Uh, this is Heidi Pree, and I thought about you guys a lot, um, when I read this, because you’ve changed so much since you met. What, and you said that the constant is the humor. Do you feel that way, that that’s one of the glues that holds you together?

John Carla,

Giancarlo: I mean Yes. Yes. The humor is one piece. Yes. The humor is one piece. It’s a, it’s a very complicated, it’s a very complicated thing. You know, it’s, it’s, you know, when, when [00:06:00] you know, as you as both of you know, you know, I’m, um, I’m a big believer that, um, like, like young says, until you make the subconscious conscious, it would rules your life, and you’re gonna call it faith.

And I’m surprised even to this day. Like top therapist and psycho, you know, and, and, and, and psychotherapist and, and, and, and coach with PhDs and stuff. They still don’t really address the subconscious material. But anyhow, that’s another story. So relationship, long term relationship is like having, you have, you know who you think you are, you who you are on a subconscious level.

Trying to get along with this other two identity, which is who you think you are in the sub. So you have these four people involved, and as you say, these four people involved change all the time. So it’s like spinning plates. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s very complicated. So yeah, humor is one. [00:07:00] Um, if you want me to, you know, I, there’s so many metaphors about, about, you know, relationship.

I like, I like this metaphor that, you know, there’s three journeys. There’s my journey, your journey and the journey together. And, and, and the ability I. Reside in allocating energies harmoniously. Hmm. So there’s gonna be a time of my, of your life, of our life where it’s gonna be more about your journey because you’re starting a business or you are building a house, or, and then other time it’s gonna be more about my journey.

And so, and we need more energy on, on, on me, then sometimes more energy on you, and then sometimes never to forget the energy on the things together. Hmm. So that’s, that’s, I think we’ve been, I think we’ve been good at that. I feel that, um, you know, maybe in New York we were, we were a little bit deficient on your journey, and then the, you know, and then we rebalanced that in visa.

Now I feel we went too far the other way. And [00:08:00] I’m joking, I’m joking, I’m joking. I don’t know where, where do you wanna go from here?

Stephanie: Yeah, I want, yes. No, I, I was just as hearing you, hearing you speak, I, it’s definitely gone through different phases of change and, but it began the biggest, I think, gift to our relationship was the commitment that we each had to our own growth in giving space to one another, to explore those, um, experiences, conditions, um, those states that he might wanna explore that are different from mine.

But for me it was a deeper understanding to not take those personally and more to be more, ’cause it’s, it’s definitely more interesting if I get more, um. Real and detailed. It had a lot to do with sexuality and Giancarlo. Feeling free to explore himself in a [00:09:00] different way with his sexuality and through his own vulnerability, through Tan Tantra retreats and.

Those type of experiences that I don’t necessarily resonate with and it, that I struggled with for a long time to understand why and to understand that it was okay and there wasn’t something wrong with me. And I realized how, what a gift that was actually, that came back to me is because he needed that to grow and I couldn’t control that.

I needed to let go of my own fears of what, what would happen, what could happen, and why that made me feel uncomfortable, but still honoring my own boundaries as well. But that, that I think was the commitment to our own path first, and then we could meet together because I don’t believe that. For me anyway, that a relationship can be [00:10:00] successful if those two of the people aren’t committed to being truthful within themselves, because otherwise it’s all projected onto the relationship and blamed on the partner.

So that’s why it’s like a huge gift to be in a relationship, but it also makes it doubly hard when the shit hits the fan because you, we all have personal parts in that. That we need to take responsibility for. And that’s the crunchy part.

Alexcia: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we went straight in. We just dove straight to the meat of it.

But, um, I’m not a professional podcaster, so we’re just gonna go straight there. I remember when we met in New York and we moved to Ibiza around the same time. And I remember I had seen, um, monogamous and I was coming over to your house for a party. It might have been your birthday, I can’t remember. And I was walking up with a friend, I won’t tell you who it is now.

Um, and they said, you know, they’re, um, they’re [00:11:00] polyamorous. And I was like, I don’t think so, you know, because we had spent a lot of time together. But you’re so outspoken around this topic and you’ve done a lot of research and exploration, um, at that time from the outside. Since then, I think you’ve done more with ISA and things like that.

Giancarlo. So I think, um, you know, I’d like to turn us in the direction of like, what, where does that curiosity come from and what, where, where has it led you in your. Journey.

Giancarlo: Okay, great. I was thinking how long it’s gonna take us to go to Sex and Drugs. Well, not long. It was less than 10 minutes. Okay. Okay.

So, um, I’ve said that I think many time on this podcast, so forgive for people if they, but maybe

Alexcia: try to say it in a new way, like, yeah. Do you have another version in this moment of.

Giancarlo: I mean, you know, the genesis of the curiosity comes from [00:12:00] childhood issues or events. Right. You know, my father was a non-consensual, non-monogamous, non monogamist.

You know, he was practiced Italian polyamory, which is like, you forget to inform the other person. So, so, so I was exposed to a lot of pain and suffering, a lot of woman in tears and, and my father had no moral issue in including my brother and I in two. Building fake alibi to justify his cheating. Right?

So I, I grew up with this pain and this deceit, which, um, which was not obvious, you know, because when you’re like 13, 14, 15, you’re like internalized this, you know, hero father and you think it’s actually very cool and society justifies mm-hmm. Playboys. And so it took me a while to realize that, you know, I didn’t really fit with a model and then I met our common friend Tao.

Truthfully, who also had a [00:13:00] consensual, non-monogamous father. He was much more successful than my father was. Like this Italian prince who was the, the most beautiful woman in the world. And he would go on holiday with two different women without telling them he would be on a sailing boat in Capri with the lover and monogamous lover, supposedly for her.

And then she would have another girlfriend, monogamous girlfriend, according to her on a hotel, the Stan and Capri. And he would like, you know, managing these two monogamous. Anyhow, anyhow, and my father would like, I. Ask us to pretend to go skiing because we, he had to show the girl that was staying at the house that everybody was leaving.

So we would pack the car with the ski, we would be all dressed with ski clothes, and then we, we would go around the block and come back home and we didn’t understand. It’s like, but you know why you don’t tell her that you don’t want? Anyhow, it was a, so when, when, when Tao actually went through a divorce, he start [00:14:00] exploring non-monogamy.

His theory, which is of course, you know, debatable, is that if they were, if they would’ve been open, him and the wife, they would’ve not split up. That’s completely arbitrary. But anyhow, he went in this quest and then we decided to make a documentary called Monogamish. And I was fascinated by, you know, by, by this agreement, because I say, okay, here we are.

So there is a way for people that don’t want to be with only one woman. Which is totally fair, right? Because in, in the animal world, nobody’s, there’s only one. There’s no monogamy. The, the pengu, the penguin only made for exclusively for one season. Um, the, the, the swan they made for life by the f sex outta the cup.

There’s no one species was monogamous in the animal world. So you would imagine why it would be, and monogamy is very recent, is only 60 years old, where in the 60 we, you know, the, we for men [00:15:00] has never been monogamous. There’s been men had concubine all their life. We impose monogamy on the woman because we wanted to make sure that the sun was ours because of, you know, inheritance and stuff like that.

And then in the sixties with the woman movement, instead of them taking the same freedom they impose on us the same restriction. So mono reciprocal monogamy is only. Few years old and nothing in evolutionary term. So, and it’s not working because more than 50% of marriage have been divorced. So why do we take something which is not working, not natural and very recent as a default, as the default mode.

And, and not only that, but even people super open-minded, we beat ourself down if it doesn’t come natural. Right. Like the, the judo Christian morality have done a good job. It makes up believe that if phenomenon monogamous, there’s something wrong with us. Anyhow. So intellectually I felt very, uh, interested but then practically, you know, the jealousy being Italian and, and so we [00:16:00] never really went there.

Um, yeah, I dunno.

Stephanie: Yeah, I would love to in interject, um. No, we’re, we’re not polyamorous and we never have been. Despite I know many rumors and people that think that we are, which doesn’t bother me anymore. Um, it did bother me, I have to say, when Tao and Giancarlo decided to make the documentary, because I remember we were on the boat and I had just found out that I was pregnant, so you can imagine on a pregnant brain how the story of non-monogamy, even with all the humor and the Italian sexiness, it did not vibe with me at that time.

On a deeper level, it actually made me, I remember just, you know, Giancarlo said 50% of marriages don’t work, but 50% do. And intrinsically, I feel dedicated to my [00:17:00] husband and I, and I love him and I love our relationship because I, you know, what Giancarlo said is true. Maybe all of these other promiscuous mammals, what they’re doing, but for me it’s sacred and it’s an a sacred act.

Sexuality, penetration, whatever you wanna call it, having that. With my husband is, it’s our ins. It’s the basis of our intimacy. And I’ve made some exceptions in some, in some ways. So Giancarlo can explore the way that he feels he needs. I trust him, but I’ve also, I also don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future.

You know, you never know in five, 10 years, but we’ve made it very clear that if, if he does open, that I open too, and that opens up a whole new, you know. I a whole new variety of, of [00:18:00] options that I don’t know if our relationship needs that, if it’s worth it. I’ve seen so many relationships blow up because it gets very complicated, but some people are very successful.

I, you know, I think it’s great and, but for us, for me, I’m very happy with what, what we’ve created and the, the trust.

Alexcia: Do we need to do that again because I call No. Okay. Thanks guys. Um, yeah, we went straight in. But I think that the, the beautiful thing that one, one of the things I love so much about the two of you is, is how different you are, but that you managed to come together and through the waves, which I’ve been there for a few, there does seem to just be this, this teamwork and this, um, understanding that one of you that each of you have different strengths and weaknesses.

So I would love for you not to dialogue between the two of [00:19:00] you. Um. Steph, maybe you wanna go first and share maybe something what you think Giancarlo, something he’s not aware of that is a strength of his.

Stephanie: Yeah. It’s so funny because yesterday I was thinking about what I love so much about Giancarlo.

Giancarlo: Hmm.

Nice.

Stephanie: And, um, he, he isn’t afraid to take risks. He isn’t afraid. Like I can’t, he’s, he’s always been, had a vision and he, he has this like pirate side and. I mean, you might call it a pioneer or a pirate or just kind of fearless that I don’t, I, I didn’t have this kind of, it doesn’t matter what other people think.

I’m just gonna do this and I’m taking this risk. And he did it in, in New York. He did it with every one of his projects. He dove in [00:20:00] into the unknown and that, that ferocious and fearlessness, he’s taught me to also just go for it. What? You have that idea. Okay, do it instead of me with all of my self-limiting beliefs.

But no, but what happens if you fail? You might. And not be good at it. All of these things I’ve recognized are just aspects of my, my own shadow that I have this power to, to, to transform. By becoming aware of that, and he taught, he taught me that he has an incredible amount of charisma of, um, this innovative, just this way of find not be not being afraid.

When we have challenges or when we meet conflicts, he’s like, I do that all the time, and those little things would’ve stopped me before and I’m, so I’m learning through him. [00:21:00] If I have an idea that I have to go for it and whatever. There’s no, there’s no, there’s no limit to the amount of that you can create if you have the, the, the will.

So that’s what I, what I learned through, through him. I’m learning.

Alexcia: That’s beautiful. Mm-hmm. That’s beautiful. Are you taking that in?

Giancarlo: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I’m, uh, yeah. And, and on my side, you know, I learn about, um, you know, this, I would call it, um, you know, spiritual commitment. Hmm. This, um, how can I say that? Um, I mean this ferocious commitment to growth, which, um, which, you know, with, with, with, uh, with introspection and, you know, studying the inner landscape and, um, you know, like when we started to going to ceremonies together, um.

Alexcia: Yeah. Whose [00:22:00] idea was that? Who, who? St.

Giancarlo: Stephanie. Stephanie. She did, she did it. She was doing Ayahuasca in the nineties, in, um, in New York that you can share. But, um, when I remember she organized a ceremony for me in Paris, and we, we started with this ayahuasca practice, and at the beginning, I didn’t really get it because I didn’t really understand the grade of human emotion.

You know, I was really limited. I could have this like, risk taker part, but then for me it was like, you know, when she was like, so how are you? I was like, what mean? How am I, I’m not cold. I’m not, I’m not hungry, I’m not horny. I’m not tired. I mean, I was really, really limited. I didn’t really understand this.

Like, you know, the grade of emotion, feeling grateful and feeling whole and feeling at ease and feeling empathic and feeling, you know, this, this, um. And, and so she, she, she taught me this, you know, this the, the, she taught me the importance of the inner exploration and also the commitment to it. [00:23:00] Uh, and then of course, the most simple way to describe our complementarity is that, you know, I’m really left wing, masculine, goal oriented, rational, uh, you know, focus into the outcome.

Whereas she’s like, you know, right brain sensitive, intuitive, go with the flow, trust the universe. And, and, and, and, you know, I’m learning from her and she, she’s learning from me. So, I mean, it, it sounds like rainbow and unicorn. It’s, it’s, it’s a lot of like stress sometimes because I get frustrated when she goes too much into a rainbow unicorn and then she gets frustrated or Eva, or, you know, more like, you know, more evasive when I get too much into the rational and the oriented and the expectation.

So, yeah.

Stephanie: But, but just to add something quickly in that first ceremony, um, yes I did because I had years of practice before me. What, what year was

Alexcia: this stuff?

Stephanie: [00:24:00] That was 2007. Um, and I already had, um, meditation practice and stillness practice. And I think as much as I love stillness, stillness and silence, and Giancarlo does now at that time.

He was more in into the frivolous and let’s have fun and why stop, you know, let’s keep going. Let’s do more things. Let’s see more people. That was the vibe, and I remember very precisely in those moments of deep meditation and stillness, knowing on a deeper level, and I believe that today is that we have an a soul agreement to be together in this lifetime.

And because I know that when. Things do happen and we definitely don’t agree on a very regular basis on things and have friction. Um, but that f well, so I know on a so level that we are a team and that whatever it is that comes up is [00:25:00] actually opportunities for us. To grow, but that, that friction also creates, I mean, I, I, I don’t study polarity.

It’s not my specialty, but I can say that us Giancarlo being more left brain, me right brain. I think before he had said left wing, I heard he’s not left. I wouldn’t say he’s left wing, he’s not right wing either. We’re just, I don’t wanna get political here, but, um, he’s left brain. It’s, there is a com a complimentary aspect, and the more we grow into our wisdom, the more that becomes apparent.

Because I’ve seen, especially in these past I, uh, five years, he has reactions that are a little bit more pragmatic. That, and I’ve become a little bit more. Relaxed in some ways. So I do believe that you can become more like your partner as you in long-term relationships. But that’s beautiful ’cause it’s like, oh wow, I learned [00:26:00] that from you and I’m reflecting it back and I, you know, I had a lot of fear about aging and, um, growing older and I don’t have those fears anymore.

Um, because I feel really gr I feel grateful to have had this experience together with him and to shown that, you know, trusting and, um. In a, in a wise, in a higher power or trusting in a, in a, in the, in the quantum field or the great mystery has been so helpful to me, especially with the intensity of these recent times and being able to lie back and just say, okay, this, can we, can we, can we giggle a bit about what, what we’re going through?

Can we find some humor in the seriousness even [00:27:00] of, of our relationship? Um, when, when it gets really, um, edgy and tight and icky, just to have, bring in that breath of fresh air of awareness that, okay, this is pretty, this is pretty awesome and funny. And, um, I’m grateful for that.

Alexcia: What is one of those moments that at the time felt like it maybe was gonna break you, but now it’s really funny?

Is there, is there a memory that comes up?

Stephanie: I definitely do.

Giancarlo: Okay, go ahead then.

Stephanie: Um, well for me it, it goes back to the, um, that the first time Giancarlo said to me he wanted to go to, uh, well, there was like, he wanted to go to sex parties, which at the time when I was enumerated and all of that, I, I, you know, it’s good to experiment.

And that was kind of funny until it wasn’t funny [00:28:00] and I could stay until like 2:00 AM and then I had to get out of there. So that was okay. But then when he said, I wanna go to a retreat, um, but without me, because we had been to quite a few together, I really, I really was like. It took, I took it as a, it, it shocked my system and it hurt my self-confidence, I think.

Um, ’cause I took it personally, which I would say the number one thing that I’ve learned through this relationship after the other things was to not take his moods or his decisions or everything personally. Um, and so, yeah, it was him going and he went to that tantrum retreat.

Alexcia: Can you give us some details?

Stephanie: Well, I don’t know the details, but there’s lots of practices. They did, they do naked and massaging and [00:29:00] touching and all of that. Um, I’m more of like. I don’t wanna know the details. I trust in the process. And if I come, if you come back and you, you’re happy about or you’re not, I don’t now, I don’t wanna use the word happy, but you feel that you’ve grown, then that’s the most important.

But I don’t wanna, I’m not, I’d like don’t, don’t ask don’t tell version.

Alexcia: Okay.

Stephanie: But I’ve heard some of the stories and they’re pretty crazy.

Alexcia: We wanna laugh with you. So can we, can we get one of the laughable stories, Kylo, what are, what are some of these practices that maybe Stephanie’s imagination runs with and thinks that they’re super sexy, but actually in practice they’re awkward and strange.

Giancarlo: Strange. Okay. But I want to, I want to specify that, um, you know, sexuality as a form of energy can be misused.

Alexcia: Absolutely.

Giancarlo: And um, in our culture especially, there’s a lot of misuse. And also it can [00:30:00] be. So, so, you know, a synonym of misuse is abuse and synonym of abuse is addiction. So, you know, I come from, you know, I had my fair dose of sex addiction.

Um, so this tantra neo tantra retreat, I mean, there’s, there’s all kind, you know, you don’t, you can’t put them on one bucket. Like, you know, an ayahuasca retreat could be amazing. Mm-hmm. Or it could be a disaster. It depends with the integrity of the practitioner and the experience and the lineage. And, but let’s say that, you know, for the, for the, for the, for example, ISA is a, is an organization that has also gone some, some, some, some scandal.

But I feel that now is, there’s a new pro, a new governance and basically it’s this idea that, you know, change your relationship with this energy. I. So there is different, there’s different angle to, to see that. Okay. The, the most [00:31:00] obvious is, you know, which is very obvious for many people. But you know, when, when, when it becomes a misuse and abuse and an addiction, basically you focus on the goal and, and so many men and women, you know, tend to associate sexuality with that orgasm, which can be deep or not deep or shallow, and can become the objective of the whole experience, right?

So this is something that I. I’m learning with this mystery school is that the idea of, you know, the orgasm is one aspect of the old sexual experience, but not only is not the goal, but it might even in some case, for the men in case of, you know, ejaculatory orgasm being almost counterproductive in maximizing the relationship with this energy.

Which is also called divine energy, which is called Eros, which is like, you know, which [00:32:00] is the energy of the universe, right? Mm-hmm. It’s the energy that gives life, that create life. So there’s nothing more sacred, there’s nothing more, more beautiful than that. And, and you know, in our society we end up having sex, you know, drunk and with random people at the bar, and there’s nothing sacred and there’s nothing, there’s nothing mind expanding, right?

So that’s a common theme in my life of all this, you know, expansive state and, and, and, and this mystery school, this tantra practice, they teach you how to. Handle how to navigate these expanded states. Right. And so if you want something funny, um, so in one, you know, there is, I can’t say too much, I can’t say which mystery school it is.

I can’t because, you know, we are, there’s always a little bit of a confidentiality. But, you know, in one of these, um, school, there is this, um, sacred spot they call it, you know, which basically it’s, [00:33:00] um, the prostate for the man and it’s the, um, the GPO for the woman, right? So they don’t call it massage, they call it like touch.

It’s, it’s, and it’s not designed for pleasure. It is designed for release. Mm-hmm. This idea that we carry a lot of energetic baggage in our hip, you know, men and women, mostly women, but also men with, with, with the, with, you know, with the childhood trauma. And, uh, and, and, and. Especially woman, how many times it happened that, you know, you say yes, but really was a no.

Yeah. Our culture is so, you know, patriarchal and, and so, you know, brainwashing, you know, and, and, and woman takes, and I’m a generalizing, of course, things are changing and not everybody, but a lot of younger, they feel like, you know, there’s a part of them that feel that they have to please the man in bed.

And sometimes that teaching even comes from their mother, right? Mm-hmm. And so there’s a lot of trauma, so [00:34:00] in this touch, so there’s no, there can be pleasure, but there’s usually a lot of tears and a lot of release. And, and, and in some case it’s, it’s, it’s, you know, it’s, um, it’s not gender neutral, you know, the men do it to the woman and vice versa, but.

It happens that I end up in a, in a situation where it was gender neutral, so you get picked up by chance in a very random way. And I end up with a guy and I was like, and I was like, and I was like, oh my God. I, I actually, even before when I understand it was gender neutral, I was like, okay, please God, please don’t send me a man, and if you really want to send me a man, don’t send me that guy.

Because there was a guy that, that I didn’t like that was, that was a, I felt was a little bit bossy and there was, it’s a very stupid, but we didn’t, I didn’t really like him and, and so I said, God, don’t say please don’t send a man. Please don’t send him. And but please don’t send me a [00:35:00] man when I have to give, you know, maybe I can receive it, you know, with a, if I really close my eyes and I really imagine that he’s not a man, maybe I can receive, but give it.

Forget it. And then of course they say that, you know, that exercise doesn’t give you what you want, but give you what you need. So not only I got a man, but I got that guy and I got, and I had to give, and I was like, I was almost in tears. I wanted to run away. And then, and then, and then this guy see me in despair and he puts his hand on my shoulder and said, listen, I know, I know, I see you don’t do anything outta your comfort zone.

I, so, so that really made me at ease and actually immediately created a bond. Mm. He looked at me in the eyes, he said, don’t worry. You know, it wasn’t like, uh, and so we start, you know, I start with a normal massage and already. Massaging a man felt really natural because in these circumstances, when you massage a stranger woman, you’re [00:36:00] super careful.

Mm-hmm. You not to touch here. Not too casual, not too close. Not too strong. Not to this, not to that. I feel all this like, you know, limitation and fear. Mm-hmm. With a man, you just go with strength that you don’t care. So it felt, I felt, I felt very much on the floor with this massage. And then finally we have to, you know, when I, we had the time has come to go down, to go closer and, and, and, and at that moment the, this gentleman start sobbing, sobbing.

He was like, thank you, thank you. I’m full of gratitude. I can feel how you’re bridging your boundary to stay with that. To me it was pouring and, and I was like, wow. And so that affected me. Mm-hmm. And so that gave me the strength to make an effort. Come on, we are here, we are here for that. So I call a facilitator who, who was that was.

You know, that I become friendly with and say, listen, I’ve never done that. I have no idea. The muscle relax. The muscle relax. Did you know the coconut, the gloves they like? I was like, I really don’t know what to do. Can [00:37:00] you guide me? So they sat next to me and he guide me like, you know. Working on the muscle and this and that and this and that.

Anyhow, I did 85% of what I was supposed to do, which was so much more than I thought I could do. And then he was sobbing and I start crying too. Mm. I felt that that me breaching this boundaries to be in service and the gratitude and this thing open some kind of a mysterious energetic portal. And so that’s why, you know, when we go back to I’m jealous Personal, it’s like that energetic portal that expanded the state that we both going and I sub for an hour or two.

So that sense of expansion had nothing to do with him. Mm-hmm. Right. He was just instrument in opening this, you know what they call it, transpersonal. It was a transpersonal experience. So of course when I go, I do this exercise, man or [00:38:00] woman. Stephanie understood to her credit that there’s nothing personal.

It’s not that if, even if there was a girl that would’ve allowed this opening, then when you meet her at the supermarket, it’s just a girl at the supermarket. It’s not a person, a psychic, metaphysical, divine partner to open the portal together. Mm-hmm. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s a cosmic, it’s a cosmic companion that outside of a context just become another person.

So that’s why there is no jealousy, you know,

Stephanie: well, with, with regards to what you just shared. And I think that one of the pillars of our relationship in so many different forms has been allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and Gabor. Gabor Matte, my mentor, our mentor, a friend of ours. Um, I would say the basis of compassionate inquiry.

The type of therapy that I am, feel honored to share, um, [00:39:00] is about allowing ourselves to be in those vulnerable situations. Because when we go deep and, and touch our own, our own fears and our own anxieties is when we allow ourselves to change and to meet those parts of ourselves that have, where we might have stopped before.

And, you know, Giancarlo. Uh, there was a time in my life when I stepped out as a therapist and there it really brought up all of my biggest insecurities to make myself to be seen. And Giancarlo at, I remember it was on my birthday or on our anniversary last year, said to me, or it said in the group, I saw Stephanie before she saw herself.

And that being able to be seen, having your partner [00:40:00] see you before you see yourself is so profound and mm-hmm. And also being willing to step out into new realms and to not, and, and what Giancarlo calls through Brene Brown, the v vulnerability hangover is that every time we do step into a new field or a new, a new.

Space or a new offering. Inevitably it’s going to bring up parts of ourselves from the shadow. And I like to say in, in the way that when I work with my clients is when we raise, when we, when we step into our, our newness or our empowered state, inevitably the denser part of ourselves will come up. Not because they are who they are, but because they’re parts of ourselves that are looking for our attention and our love.

Maybe because they didn’t [00:41:00] receive that, maybe they didn’t receive that as a young person, as a child, or by our, the conditions and the way our culture is, is designed, but in a relationship when we can see one another and remind each other every day, I. In, in a, in a loving way. Okay, you’re uncomfortable now, but look at the decision you made yesterday.

Maybe this is coming up because it’s the vulnerability hangover and our I see it. Do you see it? You know, so that’s been a gift of this relationship is when one person is feeling filled with anxiety or fearful or got a, an email or a bad a, a message that was quite scary. The other one can say, okay, remember we are in this process together.

There’s nothing we can’t face, and we’re here, we’re a team to go through this. [00:42:00] And that is, it’s like, brings tears to my eyes because that’s irreplaceable. And yeah, you know, it’s tough at times to always have a mirror in front of you when you wake up, but it’s also. The biggest gift

Alexcia: you recently shared with me, Stephanie, about a moment.

Um, and I wonder if you’re okay to share it now, um, where you felt that because you’re holding so much space for others, I know you’ve held space for me in some critical moments where I, you know, lost myself and, and you are always somebody there to bring me back to remembering so quickly, and I’m so grateful for that.

And it’s really a lot to be holding space, um, as a profession. And you shared with me the other day that there was a moment where you felt like you were able to be held, um, in your marriage. And yeah, if you’re open to sharing, I would love to hear about it [00:43:00] again.

Stephanie: Well, okay. Um, I did, um, recently during this crazy eclipse season and, and the equinox and whatever it is, you know, the full moon, it doesn’t matter.

These are maps. Um, I also decided to do a fast and, um, it’s, it’s more or less a water fast, but with a little bit of broth and little bit of diluted fruit juice, very little. And when I, you know, when you go in through the detox phase, it can be quite intense. And for me it was very, very, very strong. And the headaches were really intense and my body went into a place of shock.

And one night, um, I literally thought that I was dying and my head was pounding so much. My body was aching, my stomach was, um, turned over. And in those times, I go out and lay on the earth. [00:44:00] And I sit with solstice, and Solstice holds my hand with his paw, and we sit together. But this time it wasn’t enough.

And I thought I literally needed to be taken to the hospital because I thought I was dying. Um, it was like the third cup of an iOS kiss ceremony multiplied by a hundred. And I hesitated, am I go, am I gonna wake up? Giancarlo? Maybe he’s gonna say, you know, my mind was saying maybe he’s gonna say, oh, you’re exaggerating.

Oh, you’re fine. And I went and shook him to awaken. And I scared him. He was actually, apparently having a, a nightmare or a bad dream, and without a hesitation when he saw me and I said, I, I need your help without a moment, without a beat. He stood up and he said, I have, I’ve got you. And you know, it has been a solo journey in a lot of ways.

And that moment. [00:45:00] Was so powerful because I, I know a lot of energy was running through me and there were a lot of tears. And also, you know, yelling and just getting out something, whether it’s, I believe it’s the charge of energy that we can hold repressed of our emotional layers and of our pain. There always is some residue.

And I needed him to hold me in that moment. And he did for three hours, from three to six in the morning, sat with me, made sure he stood next to me when I was crying and he’s just like, I got you my hand. And I felt him around me on a soul level. And that was epic. And I haven’t re I, I told you, but I haven’t said, I haven’t repeated that.

And I wanna thank you Giancarlo, for being there. And on a soul level, it felt like, okay. If he couldn’t be with me now [00:46:00] with this, then I can go anywhere. And I said to him, thank you for being there. And I feel like on a divine level of our divine masculine, he stood up in his divine masculine. And I acknowledge that.

And that’s beyond words, that energetic container that we’ve developed. Together. So thank you Giancarlo, and thank you for reminding me Alexia. Mm-hmm.

Giancarlo: You are welcome.

Alexcia: Yeah. I think this, um, partnership and it’s so easy to take for granted what’s right next to us, right? Um, whether it’s living in Ibiza or just anything because we get moving and we stop, or at least I’m speaking for myself, I can forget to be grateful.

Is there, um, is there something for you JLo, that when you slow down and you, and you really realize that you’re like, this is, [00:47:00] this is, this is a wow for me in your life, in your marriage, in your, something that shifted recently that. Kind of was a soft epiphany.

Giancarlo: Hmm, that’s a good question. So, I mean, I still, you know, this idea that, um, you know, I think William Borow said that, um, in, in all of us there is like a creature or an entity who doesn’t have our best interests at heart, right?

We can call it like, you know, the pain body, the self, the self sabotager, and, and maybe it, it comes from, um, you know, the, the catastrophizing, the, the, the, it comes from an evolutionary point of view, right? Because for a hundred thousand, if not million of years, um, you know, it’s only the last few 10,000 years that, you know, with agriculture.

And, but for, for, for, for [00:48:00] so long we were at risk of the SBR two tiger. And, and, and, and so we. You know, we would, we would, our psyche has been designed, you know, the, the flight of fight was designed to keep us alive, right? But then now we don’t need it anymore because, you know, we have other form of danger, which is not, but I feel that our autonomous nervous system is adjusting.

It takes longer. To adjust of not having this state of constant panic. And then you might also argue that some people in childhood that had this nervous system stress more than other, they’re most acceptable to this idea of like, you know, anxiety and panic and negative thinking and catastrophizing and is just, so that’s, I go back to, you know, we opened this podcast about young saying, you know, until you made the subconscious country, it’s gonna rule your life and you’re gonna call it faith.

And that’s what happening to vast majority of the population where there’s all this [00:49:00] fear, uh, you know, fear from the outside and starts with locking your house, locking your car, you locking everything. And the kids need to be protected. And, and all this fear people think, you know, just because the psychopath around, but nobody really.

Has made the, the effort to see. Okay, but to what extent that source of fear is a subconscious material at work, right? Mm-hmm. Who’s, who’s driving your life? And, and yeah, I’m obsessed with this idea of like, you know, making the subconscious conscious, you know, because it’s complicated and it’s, it’s complicated because we don’t want, it’s, it’s difficult, you know, the subconscious doesn’t speak English.

Your conscious have a conversation, you know, subconscious speaks in, in, in, in, in feelings, in emotions, in shapes, in color. And so, you know, my soft epiphany, which is actually a strong epiphany. Is this idea that, and that’s why we had this long practice of iasa and in general, [00:50:00] expanded states or even like tropic breath work or even like deep meditation or even, you know, any form of cathar, you know, expanded state, cathartic moment, liminal moment at those moment where you see the connect itself without the disturbance of the subconscious material.

And unfortunately it doesn’t last, right? But, but in those moments you see a different version of yourself. Right? And, and it’s not magic, I mean, the neuroscience that has proven that in those expanded states in during movement, during ecstatic state, during, you know, having, during the tryptamines, the, the, the, the, the full mode network, which is the neuro circuitry that keep your brain together.

Michael Polan Cole is the director of the, uh, orchestral of your brain. He basically fall asleep. So every single part of the brain that regulates different things is now independent to feel whatever it wants [00:51:00] without the lock of your egoic armor. That’s Michael Poland called it Egoic Armor. So without this egoic armor, without this grip creating your sense of identity, then everything’s possible.

I was explaining to our 12 years old know mm-hmm. The drug talk. And when I explained that, he said, I understand. So every, every part of the brain now is in pillow fight because, and, and that sounds very technical, but you can see to what extent, without an egoic armor, without that strong sense of identity, you can see yourself with a, in a, in a new light.

And so you see the subconscious, it’s like, it’s like, it’s like, it’s like another pilot that takes over the, the, the, the, the rather of, um, of your life. And you call it faith. You think, oh, it’s like that. Oh, you call it genes. You know now that Gabbo and all these people that. You know, talks about, um, some of this mental disease as, you know, coping mechanism from development, trauma.

[00:52:00] The other camp says bullshit is about genes. It’s about genetic. And, uh, and so that’s an easy way out. You know, we have also good friends of ours that I respect that I say, oh no, we have an holistic life, but you know, I’m really looking interested in genomics. So, you know, saying it’s not my fault, it’s the genes.

I don’t have to do the work. You know what I mean? So, so the, the soft awakening is this idea that, you know, making the subconscious conscious is a, is a, is a, is a life process. Sorry.

Alexcia: No, it’s, it’s just, uh, I’m trying to figure out what’s the question within the question, which is. I feel like the subconscious actually does speak kind of simply.

And, and maybe that’s just my, my perception, but the question I wanna ask you is, what would you like to be acknowledged for either in your marriage or, or by all these amazing projects that you’re doing? What is it you want? [00:53:00] What is it that that part of you would like to hear? I mean, you know, from you maybe,

Giancarlo: you know, um, what’s his name again?

Robin Sharma. You know Robin Sharma who wrote, um, the Monk that was driving the Ferrari. Mm-hmm. And the 5:00 AM Club. And he says that ultimately you want to alchemize your pain. Into wisdom for other. Mm-hmm. So I feel it took me 20 years, maybe Stephanie 15, for us to see our wound itself and our conne and, and, and, and, and, you know, more or less being aware of, of, of our wounds and, and more or less being self connected and connected to other, and connected with the Cosmo.

And, and it took me 20 years and it was very painful and I receive and give and gave a lot of pain. And so what I would like is to be able to now alchemize this pain and, and, and, and, and, and waste in and helping other to do, to go into this healing [00:54:00] process. Not in 20 years. That’s why we’re doing this long-term retreat.

That’s why we’re collaborating with Stephanie on, on this, on this, you know, container for, uh, you know, we call it the reconnection or soul consciousness or empowerment, or whatever you wanna call it. Did, did I answer your question? Tell me honestly. Uh,

Alexcia: kinda, but I, I am curious from you without a quote, like who would be, what would be like your, in a simple sentence, if you could hear one thing maybe from your father.

I. Your imaginary ideal father or whoever it is for you. What, what would be that one sentence? They’ll be like, ah, yeah, that’s what I needed to hear.

Giancarlo: You know, I, I feel a lot of, um, you know, it’s been hard to create this, um, long-term this, this long-term retreat in, in, in, in Ibiza town. Mm-hmm. In this like, you know, complicated neighborhood, complicated because of the gypsy, complicated, [00:55:00] because of the authorities, complicated, because of the permit.

It’s, it’s been very hard. And sometimes I get, you know, a little bit demoralized and it’s like, oh my God, I could have do some other easier investment. And so what I love to hear is that, you know, like we had the first client, this agent from Hollywood, that she stayed for five weeks and she said that’s the ones, the best experience she had.

That kept me on a good mood for five weeks. No, I’m joking that, you know, so I, I think to hear from people that really can find some mental peace in that space mm-hmm. That would be, that’s for me, it’s, uh, it’s, it’s why I’m, that, that’s why we’re doing that. It’s definitely not very good financial endeavor.

Alexcia: Do you wanna share a little bit about the project? I don’t know if you have already on the podcast, but for people that don’t know what’s happening at Fuso?

Giancarlo: Yeah. I don’t want to make too much, I don’t wanna take too much time, but, um. You know, basically we’re using the model of those intentional community like Dam Tamara, Pachamama, um, hor [00:56:00] Orville, where they are resident that are together building a community for a specific intention, which is al always similar.

It’s the idea of grow and peace and harmony, and they have different flavor, right? So tomato is more through sexuality and, and politics and the peace process. And Damu is more towards connection with the plant and spirituality and alien and, and all, they’re all a little bit different, but they call intentional community because they get together for an intention, which is, if I can summarize, growing together.

Mm-hmm. So the idea in DFU is that it’s a community that is interested in growing together. And mirror each other and develop trust and mirror each other. And then, so 50% of the apartment are for the permanent community and 50% are for the client. The visitors that come to address some of their, you know, issue like burnout, um, [00:57:00] midlife crisis.

Heartbreak, divorce, professional transition. People that want to now have the time and the resource to finally look inside. So they come, we create this bespoke program for them with different therapies, mostly somatic therapies. Some expand the state, but also they have a way to communicate and integrate with the community that exists there that has been using these tools for a long time.

And so there is the, you know, the three pillar step and I, we did it. We, we did the, we did the ayahuasca for years and years and years. And then we felt that, okay, that’s great. We see the connect itself, but the medicine doesn’t take you there. You have to do your own work. And then we discovered through gab that your own work is this compassion inquiry of looking inside.

They have a compassion for your wounds and making friends and integrating the body. But then the third pillar, which I felt we find in ibi. Is the community part. Mm-hmm. And so what we’re trying to recreate in diff fuso is this, you know, the expanded state, the somatic therapy, but also the [00:58:00] community building.

Uh, but check it out for yourself. We put the, the link, we put the website on the show notes, diff fuso.net.

Alexcia: Thank you. And, and you, Stef, I know you have these weekly, well, usually weekly, uh, here we’re in the yurt right now, the presence embodied yurt, where there’s compassionate inquiry circles. And I would love to know what’s next for you.

Where do you guys see your collaboration? Obviously with Fuso, but kind of the merging of, of what you’re passionate about and what you’re passionate about. Giancarlo, how do you see this next chapter unfolding?

Stephanie: Well, it’s definitely to continue with what Giancarlo said. It’s actually the most important part is how we choose to embody and embody the gifts that we’ve received through the work and bring them into action.

So my next, um, my next, I guess, experience is and how [00:59:00] I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’ve been, um, thinking about it is presence embodied in action. So how, and I, and I’m, as I’m doing it as well, I’m working more with my clients on not, you know, you’ve worked on the past, you know what’s happened. You understand? Um. What it is, the wound itself, or the shadow self, or the old way of being, you learn to turn towards those parts of you.

Like Giancarlo said, with compassion, deeper understanding, forgiveness. And in that integration, now that you’ve embodied, you’ve come deeper into connection with your soul self. Um, you’ve ro you know, you’ve risen within yourself into this more empowered state, living from the heart, less from the, um, limited mind, but more from the open, expanded heart, which sees the possibilities.[01:00:00]

Then what are you gonna do about it? What, how are you going to show up in a, in a, in a, in, in a 3D way to create the circles to work with the people? Like I, I realized yesterday I really wanna work more with the, the. Population of Aisa. The Ikos. Mm-hmm. You know, we work with, with many years with different indigenous tribes from over the pl all around the planet.

And that’s been amazing. But how can we weave who, what, you know, how can we give back to our community? But to the local community, I wanna hold circles for, you know, our ne already our neighbors come to the presence, embodied to the yurt. Um, which is wonderful, but I wanna work more with the local culture in and also showing them this natural way of healing holistically, uh, and to not go down the pharmaceutical route when we’re having, [01:01:00] they’re having problems or depression because I’ve heard that.

They’re, it’s just like the rest of the world right now where it’s 30% of people are getting diagnosed in within 20, 30 minutes and being given, given antidepressants. And that’s scary to me. It’s like, okay, we have a choice now. How can we heal together in community in a holistic way, um, when it’s possible.

So my focus now is on working with, um, working one-on-one and in groups, um, of how we’re actually giving back.

Alexcia: Yeah. Beautiful. And Ibiza is such a specific kind of place as we know that community can mean so many things, right? So it’s, it’s, it’s great to start, um, defining what that means. Is it, is it the people that are born here?

Is it the people that actually live here? Does that include the tourist, does [01:02:00] that include these, uh, people on this medicine, psychedelic, introspective journey? And is there something, what would you say is the main, um, inspiration that you’ve gotten from being in Ibiza? Is there, is there something that

Stephanie: Well, um, you know, it’s definitely having those daily reminders, um, whether it’s through the school run or being in town grocery shopping.

Um, it’s being able to see the familiar faces and in a nonjudgmental way and to know. You know, it is kind of cliche, but there is this saying in Ibiza when people say, how, how, how are you? It’s not how much it’s, it’s not just good. It’s how much time do you have? You know? Do you have a moment to grab a coffee?

Can we share? [01:03:00] Because sometimes we just need to hear, be heard. And I mean, Alexia, we’ve been through so many times together and it’s vice versa where we just need to listen to one another with an open heart and not feel judged, not feel like you have to change or fix me, but I’m just, I’m here to listen.

And that in that expression of pain, and I know that through the compassionate inquiry circles, it’s the half of the healing in itself is just being able to express it and not feel judged. Absolutely. So that’s in Abi A. Yes. Uh, despite people, some people say that’s not true, that we lack the real depth of community.

I don’t, I know that we have one another’s back. I’m not, and that I, I’ve never felt anywhere else in the world and be, you know, being in nature here helps a lot. Definitely. And I know that it’s can be considered a privileged life to be able to leave the city [01:04:00] to come here. Um, and we gave up a lot to leave the city to come here, but we also have received so much.

And, um, yeah. And so I’m yeah. Grateful to for, for, for our friend friendships.

Alexcia: Me too. Super grateful. And, um, I wanted to ask you just quickly, can I comment on question community also? Mm-hmm.

Giancarlo: No, because this is a big topic, right? This idea of, um. Of community and, um, you know, the way we relate to it to other might be the single most important topic nowadays.

Right. So, you know, I think it’s, I important to clarify. I. You know, people that live together or people that just live next to each other, right? Because, um, we had in the podcast, uh, Swan, which is a great teacher, [01:05:00] um, who has done one PhD in theology, one, PhD in philosophy, one master in Psychology has been learn all these different practice.

And then he says the most informative and important experience of his life was living in community with eight other people in house in Canada, because, you know, we have this, we know we interact with other socially. In, you know, in our best behavior, right? We get dressed up, we go to the tea, tea and poetry ceremony, we go to the party, we go to the dinner, but then when we wake up in the morning, we’re alone.

Right? But, so if, if you try to live in the same house with the same kitchen, we, you know, sharing bathroom, and then, then you can really see, you know, to what extent you project your anger, your anxiety. And so I’m not saying that an experience in [01:06:00] community, it’s for everybody. But this idea of like, you know, developing empathy and radical trust and, um, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s this idea of like, okay, are you ready to feel vulnerable?

And, and of course living together and having, you know, they have this forum, this, you know, group meeting twice a week and they spend hours and hours and hours talking about each other. And you develop a sense of trust. You know the intimate story. And when there is trust in a container of trust, in a circle of trust, then you can allow yourself to be vulnerable.

And it’s only by being vulnerable that you can grow. Because it’s only through that perceived weaknesses of what is your shadow, what is your hurts, what is your wound, and then you can address it and grow. So, you know, sometimes community might be an illusion, you know, because we all live nearby and we meet for beautiful parties and dance [01:07:00] party.

And, but then it doesn’t really mean that we really, really developing trust and vulnerability. That is more happen. That’s happening in, in, in, in your compassion Inquiry circle. And what I’m trying to do with, with this community in town, you know, it’s like when people have problems, this idea of like, okay.

Ask for help. We are so brainwashed to not never ask for help. That is a sign of weakness. You know? I mean, I’m, our generation is never complain, never explain, you know? So I think those are the, the, the, the, the three important word, you know, community vulnerability, trust. Yeah. So not every community is built the same, you know?

Alexcia: Uh, definitely not. And then I guess from, from just this community here, here we’re at your home. Um, and I wanted to ask you about, about your family life, because I have this joy of knowing your children, um, without bringing their names into it, because I know that they value their [01:08:00] privacy. Um, but how has your transformation and, and your shift in awareness affected your parenthood?

And have you seen the effect on your children? Because you, I know you both, um, have children from previous. And you have one beautiful child together. Can you see a shift in Yeah. In your personal growth and how that’s affected your family?

Stephanie: Uh, I mean, absolutely. I’m, I, I see huge impact on the ways that we educate.

The difference in the ways that I educated my daughter is how I, I educate my 12-year-old now, our 12-year-old. Um, the type of conversations that we have because of our own inner growth, I guess we allow ourselves, um, you know, it inevitably it changes the way we show up with one another, but with our children and the way that our, [01:09:00] our son, our, our youngest son speaks, he’s definitely so much more aware.

Um, just because of the openness and the, I, I hope. I, I really hope of the nonjudgmental way that we parent, or that I, I hope to parent. And this morning driving to school, we’ve started a new practice of just naming five things that you’re grateful for Through, you know, the first five things that come up through, through your heart name.

You know, take a map of your day to speak about the five emotions that might be evoke, evoked through the map of your day. And then five qualities that you would like to bring into your day. And he loves it. And the first thing he said about the qualities, he wanted to bring humor, uh, into his day. And he gets nervous around his [01:10:00] football practice and he gets, um, some nervousness because he has a new scooter and you know, safety is about him wearing a full helmet now because the scooters go so fast.

And he said, mom, it makes me feel nervous because the other kids might make fun of me. Mm-hmm. And I. You know, you have to struggle with, am I being a good mom? Is, is it making him nervous or am I actually being a good mom that, you know, I’m actually saving his face if he has an accident, uh, to not hurt.

You know? So it’s like, I don’t know, having that conversation that him being able to tell me that he feels nervous about, you know, comments from his friends is a proof that our, that he can be honest with me and share his feelings. And that’s, I’m super grateful for. I don’t know if that answered the question, but, um, oh yeah.

We’re different parents because of what we’ve been through and, [01:11:00] um, and I’m so grateful for that.

Alexcia: Yeah, that you have amazing children and, uh, and I love to be with you as a family. It’s, uh, it’s just really fun and dynamic and always good. Laughs and I, I wanted to ask, I, I don’t know how on time. Yeah. Okay.

And

Stephanie: your family?

Alexcia: Yeah. I’m adopted.

Okay. So many questions that I have here. We’re gonna be able to edit this part of me talking, right? Course, of course. Sorry, Nikki. Okay. Here’s a good one.

Mm. Okay. There’s so many. Okay. You’re both so values driven. Mm-hmm. Has there been a time recently that you’ve compromised your values and what did you learn from it?[01:12:00]

You have to go first,

Giancarlo: compromise your value

Alexcia: or that you, I mean some would use the word betrayed yourself, but it seems a little extreme that you, you

Giancarlo: okay, I go first. It’s, you know, I keep on going back to this idea of like, you know, awareness on, on who’s really driving the boat, right? So I feel if our values is to be, you know, true to our. Authentic self. You know, we feel, we feel betrayed when we slide into reaction, you know? Mm-hmm. Like, in, in life, you can respond to life or you can react to life.

The reaction is driven by the subconscious. Right. But still, despite all these years of, of, of, you know, um, therapy and meditation [01:13:00] and practice and, and, and, um, still sometimes, you know, you feel triggered. So I feel like betray my, you know, my authentic self, whatever you wanna call it, you know, like almost every week.

You know, you, you, you witness with Talia got so triggered in Greece and, and of course there is reason, there was boundary crossing, but then when, you know, a boundary crossing needs to be dealt with, you know, being firm, but without losing your temper. Right. And you saw me losing my temper and, and, and it happens, you know, when, when you’re very solicited, it, it happens where, you know, you project stuff on another that it’s not that it’s your own stuff.

Mm-hmm. It’s your own anger. It’s your own frustration. And, and, and so that’s a daily practice. You know, I betray my values every day.

Alexcia: And how do you repair in those moments? Because like [01:14:00] you said, we, we do all this work and we’re still human and there’s still triggers. Um. And how do we, in relationship and in community and in family, how do you repair those moments?

What’s your

Giancarlo: Yeah, I mean, you can always, you know, you know, the AA meeting, they have this very clear protocol of, of, you know, uh, paying amend and, and, and, and I, I do a lot of that all the time. And, but also, also I feel that, um, you know, you, you have to. You have to compare yourself, not to others, but you have to compare yourself to who you are, who you were last year, right?

Mm-hmm. So, you know, this practice of, of, of celebration, of, you know, like if I, I think it’s important the, the growth. So, you know, if you manage to be less reactive, you know, every year a bit less, that’s good. You know, I think you also have to be gentle on yourself because you’re not gonna like, you know, be this like Buddha [01:15:00] person.

So, so, yeah. So rather than, than, so that’s, to answer your question, you know, definitely pay a man, definitely be honest and vulnerable with the people explaining that it’s not, that was not you. That was like maybe 80% me. And then, you know, really stay with this practice of awareness.

Alexcia: Mm. Yeah. And self forgiveness too.

Giancarlo: And self forgiveness. Yeah.

Alexcia: Thank you. Is there, is there a time that’s coming up for you, Steph, or a moment that’s sticking out? No, I mean, I’m, or you wanna comment on this? I’m a

Stephanie: recovering perfectionist. Mm-hmm. So when I make mistakes, I forget things, I forget to pay things, they get accumulated, we receive violation.

It really, um, it hits, hits me hard because I really want to be right and do the right thing and all of that, all of these programs. So, um, I also recently have needed to forgive myself for making mistakes, forgive myself for, um, [01:16:00] forgetting, um, forgetting things. There’s so many things to stay on top of. I feel it’s hard if you don’t, I don’t have a private assistant.

Um. Uh, even I think it’s a good practice because if it, if you have private assistance, maybe then you think that they’re gonna take care of it. So I guess I have this idea that, um, I can do it all and when I could don’t, when I don’t measure up when I’m late, uh, it’s tough. I, I hate myself for it. So I have to notice that part that’s like, can I forgive myself for being late, for forgetting things, for forgetting appointments and it happens.

So yeah, that’s what comes up with me. Just the importance of me. Giving myself some slack on this journey of growth, of not getting things perfect, but still acknowledging, um, the courage that I have to show to, to be v to be [01:17:00] vulnerable. Because it’s like, if you’re not allowing yourself to be vulnerable, maybe, okay, you’re in uber control of everything, but then nothing shifts.

And then you wonder why don’t things change. So in this new thanks to the relationship with Giancarlo, where it’s like, okay, let’s open up the field of possibilities. Let’s see what’s possible. Let’s just try something new. I, I know that along that path, there will be times when I don’t get it right and can I be okay with myself?

Can I forgive myself? But, you know, quickly, because time is passing as well. I don’t want to, I, you know, I wanna, yeah, I just want, I guess. Being gentle.

Giancarlo: Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: Uh, learning to be gentle with myself. Um, slowing down enough to recognize those moments of presence are, um, it’s my, it’s [01:18:00] gonna be my focus now on the next, uh, next phase of presence.

Embodied in action. In action. But slowly, but take a lot of pauses. Yeah. And check in. All the time.

Alexcia: Yeah. This has been so beautiful and fun. And, um, I just wanna ask one more thing, which is, well, first I just wanna congratulate you guys again on 10 years of marriage and 10,000 ego deaths, funerals that you have attended and ceremonies and, um, where would you like to, if we’re sitting here again in, in 10 years, um, as even more evolved beings, hopefully with even better senses of humor mm-hmm.

What, what do you hope that we’re reflecting on and can look back on and say, wow. With each other and with the community and with yourselves?

Stephanie: I know that [01:19:00] we would love to write a book.

Giancarlo: Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: Um. It’s been, you know, we wanna do things together, but then we end up doing them separately and then maybe we should do it together.

I mean, this podcast, we’ve been talking about doing it for at least, you know, five years. Um, so I’d say a book or books or, I don’t know. And, um, I guess the, the, the project of Fuso that it expands and grows and that we have bigger spaces and, um, larger groups, um, to impact more change. And for myself personally, to also expand my consciousness and expand the way that I show up for others, um, would be my vision.

I. IWI mean, I can’t say more children [01:20:00] because that’s kind of, we’ve passed that, but our children are gonna have children. So Yeah. To be, to be, I mean, that’s scary. A little bit grand being a grandparent, but in 10 years we’ll be grandparents,

Alexcia: so, yeah. Yes, Stephanie. Oh my God. We’ll still be giggling. Don’t worry, and you’ll still look great gc.

Giancarlo: But so, you know, I feel that, you know, I really, I really hope that, um, our kids will find their own way. It’s harder for them, right? Because, you know, we are going, and that, that sounds maybe a little bit elistic, but in, in a certain segment of the population, we’re going through this transition, right? Of, you know, in the eighties it was about, you know, Gordon Geco and, you know, I have, when I was, when I, when I was outta college in, I.

93, it was obvious that, you know, we have to go and make money, right? But that is not so obvious anymore. And, and, and [01:21:00] so there is this like, you know, and culturally, you know, there is this, uh, you know, your purpose, your meaning, authenticity, the planet who you really are. I mean, it’s confusing. It’s, there is all these new good values, but there is still an old system, right?

So, you know, my son worked for a management company and it’s still old school of, of really work them hard and, you know, like, um, exploit them and then, you know. T Talia did, didn’t want to, you know, to be, to work, you know, to have a, like, also bossy boss and, and, and, and maybe doing some, some other, you know, something more into the, you know, wellness and spirituality.

But it’s hard because even the wellness space, it’s super competitive. So you have basically almost like, it’s complicated. It’s a new environment for, [01:22:00] for the, for, for, for the, you know, the professional landscape. So I feel, I feel our kids can find their own way, you know? Um,

Stephanie: yeah, that’s, can I just mention Talia’s podcast?

It’s called the True Self Podcast. I’m super proud, proud of her.

Giancarlo: Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: Um, she’s definitely following in the footsteps of our transformational journey, so yeah, please try to listen to that.

Alexcia: Check out the podcast. It’s a, it’s a family affair. Mm-hmm. And, uh, is there anything else you guys wanna say before we close?

I feel like we just scratched the tip of the iceberg. There’s still so much we could go on about, but for, for a first podcast altogether,

Giancarlo: what can we, I felt that, did we do, did we give people practical advice?

Stephanie: Why don’t we do another one with the practical advice?

Giancarlo: Yeah. Or just, let’s match a couple. What would you like, imagine people the morning

Stephanie: practices are key [01:23:00] three.

Which one do you suggest? Well, a three to five things that you’re grateful for, but the first ones that come into your heart,

Giancarlo: write Write them down.

Stephanie: Yeah, write them down. Um, three, create a map of your day and the three to five emotions that will be evoked. Just name them. And three qualities, three to five qualities that you would like to bring into your, into your day, like patience or presence.

And one more thing. Uh, becoming aware of three to five beliefs, limiting beliefs, patterns, or, um, mental habits like catastrophizing, overthinking, just noticing them, just developing that tool of awareness, the muscle of awareness to notice when we are repeating, uh, these, you know, self-limiting. Yeah, the loops.

Exactly.

Giancarlo: And so for the, you know, for people that want to [01:24:00] look at, um, you know, enterprise and young entrepreneur and, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s hard out there. But the, you know, I, I recommend to really find something that, you know, people really enjoy, you know, and, and you can tell when, when, when you’re in flow, when time stops, when, when you know, you, you, whatever you’re doing and you feel that, you know, three hours went by and you didn’t realize it.

And you know, when you can lose yourself in some activity and really do your best. And in America, actually, there is a, a current of. You know, entrepreneurship, seeing almost as spiritual practice of, of being on service of, you know, creating things that will help people. And, uh, you know, Tony Robbins in America, there is a, an English guy, Simon, uh, swipe or something, which is like the English Tony Robbins, who also, you know, integrate this idea of like helping other, and, you know, just like, you know, offer things for [01:25:00] free, be generous and, and things will come back to you.

You know, this idea of being in energetic integrity, I. And that sounds a bit woo-hoo. And, and, but, but I feel that there is some, there’s a lot of strength in, in believing what you’re doing and then, you know, America like that is ahead in term of, you know, there is no failing. There’s other succeeding or learning and, you know, place like, you know, Spain or England or Italy, you know, failing is still seeing as a, you know, being something to be ashamed of.

And, and I know I would, I would, I would, you know, question that, you know, failing is learning. So, you know, just jump into the arena. Thank you, Alexia. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Stephanie: Let’s do this again.

Alexcia: Yes. Stay tuned.

Giancarlo: Yeah. And, and, and, and check Alexia’s podcast when ki she can talk about her teaching and her practice.

Much love.