Becoming Who I Was

Crazywise shares inspiring stories of people around the world who have transformed a mental health crisis into a positive experience using alternative healing methods. 

Recognizing the limitations of Western medicine, the film explores the indigenous perspective on wellness, and the shamanic path to healing through the use of psychedelic medicines to facilitate spiritual awakening.

Featuring interviews with renowned mental health professionals including Dr. Gabor Maté, and Robert Whitaker, the film explores the increasing urgency of the mental health crisis in the West and the growing movement of professionals who demand to see more alternative treatments that focus on healing, connection, and finding meaning in life.

Wisdom of Trauma is honest, raw, hopeful, and tender, revealing the capacity of human potential. It is a brilliant presentation of one of the most pressing issues in our society today. Profoundly personal and touching, the film aims to and succeeds in raising awareness about the impact of trauma on individual and social well-being. 

The story follows Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and bestselling author, through exploring the hidden wisdom beneath our deepest pain and its connection to the epidemics of anxiety, depression, and addiction. 

"Trauma is the invisible force that shapes our lives, the way we love, and the way we make sense of the world," 

• Gabor Maté

If you enjoyed Neurons To Nirvana: Understanding Psychedelic Medicines, you will no doubt love The Director’s Cut. Take all the wonderful speakers and insights from the original and add more detail and depth. The film explores psychopharmacology, neuroscience, and mysticism through a sensory-rich and thought-provoking journey through the doors of perception. Neurons To Nirvana: The Great Medicines examines entheogens and human consciousness in great detail and features some of the most prominent researchers and thinkers of our time.

This short film importantly records Lady Amanda Feilding's research, self-exploration, and controversial self-trepanation. Her intelligence, artistry, and comedy shine through during this intimate glimpse into her personal thoughts, stories, and footage.

Amanda was first introduced to LSD in the mid-1960s, impressed by its capacity to initiate mystical states of consciousness and heighten creativity, she quickly recognized its transformative and therapeutic power.

She famously trepened herself. (The act in which a hole is drilled into the skull). A symbol of altering consciousness, allowing the possibility of the heartbeat to be able to expand from the brain. (absolutely not advised)

Inspired by her experiences, she began studying the mechanisms underlying the effects of psychedelic substances and dedicated herself to exploring ways of harnessing their potential to cure sickness and enhance wellbeing.

In 1996, Amanda set up The Foundation to Further Consciousness, changing its name to the Beckley Foundation in 1998. And is known for her 'hidden hand' behind the renaissance of psychedelic science and her contribution to global drug policy reform.

Amanda helped generate the world’s first images of the brain on LSD, one of her long-standing ambitions.

Beckley Canopy Therapeutics was formed by Amanda and her son Cosmo with the Canadian cannabis producer Canopy Growth Corporation to conduct cannabinoid research and drug development. Particularly in treating pain, anxiety, and drug addiction. One aim is to reduce dependence on opioids in treating cancer-related pain.

Amanda's work continues founding Beckley Psytech with Cosmo, which is dedicated to helping patients suffering from neurological and psychiatric disorders by developing a pipeline of psychedelic compounds into licensed pharmaceutical medicines.

Ultimately, the goal of Amanda’s work is to make psychedelics and cannabis into approved medicines, so that they can be legally prescribed at clinics for those in need.

Becoming Who I Was is a stunning presentation of strength, courage, and inner faith from Padma Angdu, his uncle, and his community. I have a son of a similar age, and I can not imagine him carrying such a weight and undertaking such a pursuit.

This coupled with the narrative of reincarnation, which fascinates me, makes this documentary a must-watch.

As a true story Becoming Who I Was leaves you with a fresh determination to face any challenge

"The song that calls you home” is a documentary about Ayahuasca and the tribe Shipibo. Western medicine has a lot to learn from this type of “mind-body” approach to healing. Also what I liked about this doc is the story of the Italian athlete who uses this practice to clarify his life choices and not for a pathology. The ontological application of Ayahuasca is also very important

Roger Hallam was an English regenerative farmer who saw firsthand the floods that destroyed his crops. He founded 'Extinction Rebellion' to encourage environmental activists and normal people to practice civil disobedience to create awareness for the climate crisis. Some of the protests are super memorable, having spent many years in London to imagine parts of the city being bought to a standstill is quite astonishing.

My friend Robin McKenna who produced the 'Jungle Prescription' in 2011, a pioneer doc on Ayahuasca, directed a beautiful, poetic doc inspired by Lewis Hyde’s book 'The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World'. I selected it for the Regeneration category of mangu.tv because the “gift economy” is an important experiment as an alternative to capitalism. Yes, utopic, nonetheless important. Similarly, we explored the alternative currency 'furiakipur' in Japan in the '2012: Time for Change' doc.

When I first watched Icaros I loved it immediately, it was the first film on Ayahuasca that gives you a visceral sense of what it means to ingest the jungle cocktail. Also, it helps to know that one of the characters is based on the co-director and co-writer who discovered she had cancer whilst they were shooting and died in 2015 before the movie had been finished.

Dosed is an important documentary about the therapeutical properties of a bush from equatorial Africa called Iboga. Through a personal story the filmmaker, friend of the protagonist, shows how psychedelics are an important tool to break the addiction to opiates.

'The Mindfulness Movement' thoughtfully explores how the practice helps quietly combat anxiety, fear, distraction, and depression for a variety of people: veterans, students, athletes, politicians, and more. From neuroscience research on neuroplasticity, we now know that we can regenerate our brain with meditation.

Stanislav Grof is my main teacher. I believe that in 50/100 years he will be considered a giant of Psychiatry like Freud and Jung. Thanks to non ordinary states of consciousness he was able to decipher the cartography of the transpersonal Psyche and integrate it with the pre and post natal biography.

Arturo Prins is an Argentinian talented filmmaker, painter and photographer who is devoting his life understanding Romantic Love. Influenced by 18th century French philosopher Charles Fourier, considered the first feminist and supporter of polyamory, Arturo explored the theme of non-monogamy in a documentary called “Autopsia de un amor” and last year in a fiction called “Estado impuro”, a beautiful, subtle, funny, sexy, mind expanding comedy about the limitation of monogamous relationships.

I recommend watching "Estado Impuro'' because it explores the taboo of  sleeping with your partner and your friends at the same time like ancient civilizations and tribes have been doing for millennia before the Judeo/Christian cultural conditioning. I personally do not want to practice polyamory but i think it should be completely destigmatized and integrated with Matrimonial rights. I license it because it is a great companion of Monogamish. I would recommend first to watch “Estado Impuro” and then Monogamish. Also mangu.tv interviewed NYU Professor of Sexuality Zhana Vranglova on the alternatives to monogamy, check it out on our blog mangu.tv/blog/zhanavranglova.

Canadian filmmaker Luc Cote succeeded in depicting the trial and tribulation of 2 families of war veteran dealing with PTSD. Luckily those families were open minded enough to embark in a psychedelic assisted psychotherapy with Ayahuasca and MDMA. Luc was able to create the trust that allowed to capture the vulnerability and humanity of his characters. Don’t miss this film.

When i met Adam Schomer at the Illuminate film festival in Sedona i was immediately drawn to his docuseries Road to Dharma. I thought that it was a great idea to intertwine the dharma talks with some motorbikes adrenaline. Teacher Anand Mehrotra is charismatic, practical and his teachings on how to be free are really important.

Bruce Parry popularized anthropology with his BBC series “Tribes”. The concept of the tv show was simple: he would live with tribes all around the world for one month. For his documentary Tawai, Bruce decided to explore the possibility that humans lost their connection with nature when they had to settle. He uses the split brain theory by Psychiatrist Ian McGilchrist.

Daniel Pinchbeck’s theory that this moment in time is associated with a tipping point in consciousness immediately got my attention. The Mayan and Indian Yugas calendars, Western Astrology, Hopi and Kogi prophecies also saw this time as a moment of shift. Talented director Joao Amorim adapted some of Pinchbeck's ideas into this documentary on personal and universal transformation. Looking at what is happening in the world in 2021 maybe the Mayan were dyslexic?

Being in the world was one of the documentaries I produced. Director Tao Ruspoli studied philosophy at Berkeley and became close to many philosophy professors. Around 2008 he proposed to me to invest in a documentary around the philosophical theme of being in the world, of being human. I was intrigued by Heidegger's idea that what defines us as humans is not that we think like Descartes said but by the way we develop our skills, by the way we “are in the world”. For someone like me who is constantly on his mind Heidegger theory was a breath of fresh air. Highly recommended.

In 2005 my girlfriend at the time who is now my wife organized an Ayahuasca ceremony at her friend Alie’s “peniche” houseboat in the Seine in Paris. Initially, I did not fully comprehend the potential of this practice but I understood it was important. I got a glimpse of Bliss and Nirvana and felt compelled to go deeper. At a MAPS psychedelic conference in Oakland in 2007, I thought that we had to make a doc on these substances when I heard that filmmaker Oliver Hockenhull was already working on one. My filmmaker friend Robin made an introduction and I reached out offering to help. Oliver was open enough to let Mikki Willis edit a shorter, more commercial version, and that is how N2N was born. It is a great introduction to the magic of 5 compounds: LSD, ayahuasca, psilocybin, MDMA, and cannabis. If you want to go deeper in understanding Aya and MDMA please watch “From Shock to Awe” and if you want to know more about Cannabis medical properties check “Weed the People”.

When my friend Tao suggested we help director and activist Gay Dillingham to use the master interview to Timothy Leary and Ram Dass (than Richard Alpert) shot in 1996 by his friend Alan Kozlowski, to make a documentary about them, I coud not say no. I think the two Harvard professors' legacy will increase with time. The current psychedelic renaissance is focused on the medicinal aspect of these compounds, which is necessary to legalize them, but then I expect another very important application to eventually become mainstream: ontological inquiry. I think these medicines can help folks to find their life purpose.

As many of you know, the director Tao and his brother Francesco are childhood friends of mine and we both share an Italian playboy father. I remember once my father made my brother and I wear ski clothes to pretend we were going skiing in order to persuade one of his girlfriends that he was going away, the truth was that another girlfriend was moving in the house for a few days. Needless to say that this was a bit confusing for my 10th year old psyche. I couldn’t reconcile the values of truth and honesty preached by my mother with my father's behaviour. Unfortunately for my future mental health I suppressed those emotions of confusion and sense of being lost. Tao’s father Prince Dado Ruspoli, famous eccentric “tombeur de femmes' who was credited to have jump started the “dolce vita '' in Rome in the 60s also was not a big believer in monogamy.

Tao and I, one year in venice beach, had the idea to make a documentary about monogamy and non monogamy and the growing American movement called Consensual Non Monogamy. After his divorce, he decided to go on the road to find out what experts and normal people think. The film premiered in a packed cinema at the Rome film festival. mangu.tv interviewed NYU Professor of Sexuality Zhana Vranglova on the alternatives to monogamy, check it out on our blog mangu.tv/blog/zhanavranglova. Also watch “Estado Impuro'' a film about 3 friends persuading 2 monogamous couples to open up for one afternoon.

In 2010, while editing Neurons to Nirvana, Miki Willis introduced me to Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake, exceptional change makers duo that exposed the business of being born. They were fundraising for a documentary about the medicinal properties of cannabis. I always thought it was important to expose how Cannabis prohibition violates the basic human right to natural medicines. So Mangusta Productions invested and  produced it.

When I watched filmmaker Joshua Van Praag and Author Raoul Martinez documentary The Lottery of Birth i knew immediately that i wanted to distribute it. The most pragmatic and secular documentary in the vein of Adam Curtis/BBC, this doc will open your eyes on what it means to be free.